As I find myself still in a period of transition and instability I have been reflecting on what to do next. Struggling in the impasse of unemployment and the inescapable limbo between deciding whether to settle or keep moving, my reflections of late have been somewhat ambivalent about my situation.
On one hand I am enjoying the transition, travelling, visiting friends and family, the freedom to do what I like with my day. I feel a bit like a nomad, with nowhere to live, but plenty of places to stay. A hopeless romantic at heart I would like to consider my lifestyle ‘bohemian’ and enjoy the freedom of not being tied down.
On the other hand I envy my friends with mortgages, their own house and a steady income. I think I expected myself to be among them at the age of 28, with a career in hand and bright prospects ahead. For all the benefits of bohemian lifestyle, sometimes I just feel homeless and a bit lost.
The ups and downs of the transition and travel across the Atlantic have left me physically and emotionally jetlagged. I am not sure where I will be next week, or next month, and each time I pack my suitcase and leave somewhere I wonder if I am coming back, downsizing my life each time.
It is wonderful to have the freedom and the ability to say ‘I could do anything next’, but the transition time is proving lengthy, and ironically I am getting itchy feet to just find somewhere to stop and settle for a while. With my chosen career closing doors on every opportunity I try to pursue, I find myself in a situation where if I had been told I would be here this time last year I would have cried in frustration at first, but picked myself up and pursued alternative options.
So, a year later, the world of work is giving me lemons. However I refuse to pull a sour face, but I am determined to find something to do. It seems like adventure is not on the cards for now and perhaps it is time for me to settle down, put my nose to the grindstone and put the book of adventures back in the attic.
Adventure vs. stability?
I think it is time to settle down.